It’s really not that hard to be kind
I was having a casual conversation with a friend I hadn’t talked with in a long time. We were lamenting the curve balls thrown in our lives and those of our friends and he said, “we’ve all got our own hells that we’re living through, don’t we?”
Just one sentence during a 15-minute conversation, but one that has stuck with me all these years later.
I was on a get acquainted call recently, a colleague of a colleague type meeting, and while sharing what I do with the strengths assessment and trainings, she suggested my expertise and certification is hardly worth paying for, anyone can teach it. I had to pause for a minute to acknowledge what I’d just heard. Did she really just say that?
A networking call to see if there is a mutual benefit to our connection, and I get kicked in the teeth. Not what I was expecting, to say the least. It was hurtful, insulting, and frankly, not true. A certified coach has so much more to work with than an HR person who can read through the list of strengths and make assumptions. And no, I did not say that, it would not have been kind, and I don’t engage with bullies.
What would have been better, kinder? How about, “I love the strengths (which she did say later), and have led conversations on them before, but it’s great to know someone who focuses on them.” Not hard. Just be kind.
I appreciate the recent trends on LinkedIn of people sharing the truth of their situations. Caregiving, long months of unemployment, proud parent moments, life challenges. It confirms what my friend said long ago, we’re all going through our own hells. It’s so much healthier than putting a smile on and stuffing what is really happening.
I’m not always successful at it, but I try to consider the world other people are living in and what they are going through. Of course that doesn’t mean allowing rude behavior, and it certainly doesn’t mean there isn’t a point that reaches unacceptable. More on that in this article.
Having worked in education for many years, I place high value on degrees and certifications, and will allow this person her opinions which I do not share. Perhaps she’s in her own hell and dealing with something herself.
Empathy, noun
The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another. Mirriam Webster